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The importance of Resilience

Resilience is in everybody, but it comes in different versions and on different moments. People living in article conditions are more resilient to cold, while people living around the equator are more resilient to
heat. In cities, people are more resilient to loud noises while in the country side people are more resilient to buzzing insects.

Resilience is something we learn or grow from before we are born until the moment we pass away. The amount and sort of resilience will depend on the life that we live.

Why is resilience so important?

·       Become a strong, independent and confident person

·       Become a strong, creative and inspirational leader

·       Become a strong, united and successful team

Different stages of Resilience

Resilience and children:

Children will learn and grow resilience through many things and all will be important to have a much easier life.

Stress and Frustration:
when they learn to crawl, walk, talk, contesting with parents, be ‘clean’, have bad grades, fights with friends, not having the present they wanted, exams, competitions, and so much more.

Physical pain:
whey they fall, when they fight and bite each other, hunger (before being able to express themselves), cold, heat, and again so much more.

Social and emotional:

heart brakes, teasing/bullying, divorced parents, passing grandparents or even pets….

Resilience and adults:

Adults will already be more resilient due to their experiences as a child.

We can still be frustrated, but less often then as when we were a child. We also adapt easier to most of the frustrations; not being able to open a lid, tap the bottom or ask somebody else to help.

We can be more resilient to pain, our body has adapted, tougher skin and we became smarter; you don’t touch fire…

We even became more social and emotional resilient. Either we learn not to attach ourselves so much or we can accept or ignore better certain situations. Somebody calls you an idiot, you either say ‘yes that’s true’ or you laugh and say ‘look who’s talking’.

We still learn and grow more resilience.

    We get frustrated because every year we seem to get older and we notice in our body. (we have more pain after a day of sport, hangovers last longer, hairstyle/colour is changing).

    We have more stress at work, colleagues or bosses that don’t agree, children that seem impossible to understand you only want what’s best for them….

     Even social and emotional, getting out of touch with your best friends, now parents passing away, grasping more of the global problems.

Resilience and elderly:

I’m no expert yet here, I have not yet reached this stage, but as I can see around me:

After a certain age, most people except that they are getting older and decide to just make the most of it, while it still lasts.

Pregnancy, hernias, and all other type of pain that you have overcome and survived make you able to handle a bit more.

People still disagree with you, now because they might think you are too old to understand but you’ll probably think ‘wait until you have my age’…

And still you learn and grow more resilience.

    Frustrated that you can’t walk so much anymore or that you seem to forget more and more.

     Stress about a world that becomes faster everyday while you slow down

     Starting to lose friends, siblings, and partners.

So how come everybody has pretty much experienced all these basic examples and many have such a different level of resilience?

Factors that help build Resilience

The core of resilience is experience. Without the experience, you probably won’t be able to grow the resilience to the factor. If you have never experienced cold, how would you know how to handle it? Even if you might enhance resilience through meditation or hypnosis, on what base can you work if you don’t know what it is?

Experience and guidance:

Without a proper guidance, any experience can go in different types of directions. Some people learn to block out a certain experiences. They either go numb or they act it never happened. This is NOT resilience; this is in fact something why psychiatrists and coaches have work.

Resilience is when you learn from an experience, overcome it and use it to become stronger.

Take a spring or elastic band for example: a good elastic band is resilient; when you pull it, it wants and will go back in to shape. A bad elastic band will either snap (go numb) or lose its elasticity (act as it
never happened).

So how can you help or be helped to grow the resilience?

Children:

·     Let frustration happen, don’t call it off as a parent or teacher. Frustration can develop to creativity, motivation and desire!

·     If a child falls or fails, tell them to get up again or try again. This helps to build confidence and a ‘don’t give up’ mentality.

·     During conflicts or losses, talk to the child and listen to them. This helps build trust, respect and honesty.

·     Let kids fight or put themselves in ‘risky’ situations (to a certain extent). This helps them understand how to handle pain and also helps them learn to consider certain situations.

Adults:

·     Talk, listen and discuss. This will help the person to feel confident, respected and able to stand up for him/herself.

·     Challenge your employees. This help them feel valued, stimulated and solutions focussed.

·     Put your team in ‘out of the comfort’ situations. This will create strong links, trust and unity.

Elderly:

·     Ask questions about their lives and experiences. This will give a sense of purpose

·     Motivate them to go out and do things. This will help them feel still alive.

But can we create more resilience? Yes we can.

Create or Boost Resilience

How can we create or boost Resilience?

Children have enough on their plate, they learn so much already without us intervening. Give the proper guidance to help stimulate certain situations in the right direction.

As we become adults, our mind is more or less forged by society, religion and education and we then think it is difficult to change who we are or have become. This is not necessarily true.

The question that you need to ask is this: do you want your (conscious) mind to control your senses or do you want your mind and senses to work together, stimulate, talk and listen to each other?

Experiential Learning, Emotional Intelligence, NLP, Solution Focussed thinking and ‘Out of the Comfort-zone’ situations can all attribute to create or boost Resilience.

At Fun and Victory, we use the techniques mentioned above in unforgettable outdoor settings to help upcoming leaders, teams and children become more resilient and thus more strong and confident in life.

Jeroen Tholen

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